Common sense says that this guy is NOT ready to date, not yet.Continuing to date, just dating less doesn't make much sense to me because I don't think it addresses the issue.
I get so many emails asking me about whether to date someone who is separated, recently divorced, or even fresh out of a breakup that I wanted to tackle this tricky subject.
We’re often scared (even if nothing has actually happened yet with a particular person) that we may be letting our last chance or even best chance saloon slip away.
There isn’t a strong market for divorced 43 year old men with 4 children. The first thought that comes to mind after reading this guy’s comment is, how the heck does he know what the market is like for 43 year-old divorced guys with four kids when he is newly separated? I have been divorced for nine years and I know what the market is for divorced men in their forties who have kids. There are some of the most absolutely gorgeous women over 40 out there. Those women want children of their own, and trust me, if you went out with them you’d quickly realize you have absolutely nothing to talk about. At this stage, what is inside a person can make them either more attractive or more unattractive.
There is NO SHORTAGE of women who want to date you. Now, I am talking about women who are in their late thirties, women in their forties, and even women in their fifties. Secondly, if you are looking for a woman in her early twenties than you are right. So, let’s get back to the late 30’s, 40 or 50 something babes. Passion and desire and lust all stem from what’s in someone’s heart, what they say, their actions, and how they make you feel about yourself.
The thing of it is, I don't think it's a good idea to have a false relationship, or to pretend that things are okay when they're not.
You guys were dating in a normalish fashion and then he freaked out and backed way off.
But for other women, this issue is not so black and white. In other words, there is another woman, and it’s you.
He still has a wife, and in-laws, and probably a lot of friends in common with his wife.
What we forget is that even if a person hasn’t just exited a relationship, aside from knowing our own boundaries (which can rule out certain things that we’ve already made a decision on in advance of), we cannot get all of the answers upfront or have someone tell us what ‘the ending’ will be.
Each situation is different but what you can say with a high degree of certainty is that someone who’s just fallen out of their marriage, who’s still in reconciliation negotiations, who’s still very influenced by their spouse, and who has been separated for a long time ‘just because’, is going to bring pain into your life.
3) Get the facts If you can (and if he’s really looking for a relationship, this shouldn’t be hard) about the separation. ) All of these issues are worth talking through with your new guy, and may help you avoid heartache in the end. Maybe this feels like a commitment free relationship – after all, if a guy is only separated and not divorced, there’s no real chance of rushing into things, is there? Think this through again, as it is not fair to either party.